Ghosts

There seem to be periods in life when things are either really good or really bad and it feels like there is not inbetween.

Christmas was really good this year! I had a great time with my family and just loved every second of it!

There is something I struggle with in my mind. Not often, but sometimes. Every once in a while. I miscarried a baby in between Joshua and Miriam. (I actually think I had two miscarriages, but one was for sure). My subconscious thinks I actually had that baby. The other night we stayed in a hotel and Miriam fell out of her bed. I told my husband I was going to make sure that "she" didn't fall out too. "She who?" He said. I tried to explain, "you know, what's her face. The other one. Our other kid." "We don't have another "she" kid other than Miriam." Then I fully wake up and realize, oh yah. We don't have other kids! Sometimes this is a relief :) But lately it's just been making me down right sad. It always happens in those groggy moments in the middle of the night. :(