They wanted me to go to rehab. . . .

So I have been spending lots of time every day asking myself questions like, "How can I be a better mom, sister, daughter, friend?" etc. . . . And then acting on my answers. I finally feel like a whole person again. A person that has something to offer others. A person who can help and be there for others.

. . . . and I finally feel like I have reconnected with my old self, my more talented self, in tune self, productive self, etc. When I got married I feel like I lost myself completely. I became self conscious, I became a people pleaser. I became. . . someone else. A lesser person. But in trying to rehabilitate, I have found a way to live in the present. And it has been liberating. And living in the present keeps you from focusing too much on who others want you to be or what you think might be better. And you are forced to be whoever you are!

I forgot how much I loved life before I was married. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I don't like my married life. I just don't like who I became after I got married. I had so much love and zest for life and I have found that again!

My long lost love and talent has been writing. The last time I saw my grandmother was in May of this year. As I was leaving her house, she grabbed me by the arms, firmly, and said, "Melissa, it's time for you to write your Harry Potter." Every once in a while I'd think about that and just think, "Nah, that was another life, another time. . . " Every once in a while I would sit down to write a story. It was good writing and all, but it just wasn't "my story." I kept shutting myself down and saying, "This isn't MY story." But it finally happened. I found my story. I am quitting the window treatments business and I am going to write my book. Well, books, actually. It's going to be a series.

My last day of work should be about December 16th, give or take a few days. And then I am going to start writing. I can hardly wait.

As a student of Orson Scott Card's, he promised us that he would always consider our writing for publishing. He teaches at SVU in the Spring, and I hope to get a meeting with him next semester to discuss my ideas with him and have him be my mentor.

I am loving everything happening in my life right now. I will be running in Ragnar WV Appalachian in June, I am running a 5k at Disneyland with my husband and kids in January. My business is extremely successful and currently employing seven women!  My children are thriving in school and are successful in everything they pursue.

I was supposed to be done with work this week, but I started living life like I already quit :) We went camping, then to Busch Gardens, then I went to Las Vegas to help my mother in law empty her condo, and we have just been doing TONS of stuff together as a family. I am really loving life right now.

For a long time I wasn't living in the present. I was letting things that happened in the past get to me. I let my temple recommend expire because I didn't want to be sealed to Laymons. But I met with my stake president and he taught me a little more about how sealings work and who exactly I am sealed to. While that brought me some relief, I also found a great dal of peace within myself just by committing myself to live in the present. And I have been feeling a great deal of peace and comfort in my life. And so. . . . . drum roll. . . . . I have half a temple recommend! ;) I have one more interview to go. Then, after three years, I will finally be able to enter the temple again. I didn't want to go because I always had negative thoughts and feelings about my husband's family. But I am finally at peace because I realize how much it doesn't matter when you just live in the present. Nothing that happened affects what is going on right now at this second, so it doesn't matter. It's been great because I ask myself every day, several times a day, what can I do today to be a better sister? And when I think of them I feel good feelings, genuine feelings, and positive peaceful feelings. I asked myself that one day and was prompted to purchase a dress from his sister's small business to promote and uplift her. I know that when I return to the temple that I will be able to go in there and I will think about each and every one of his family members and feel love and peace.

I am so excited to get started on my book. It's going to take a long time, though. I have to create an entire world with events, leaders, a history, a society before I can even begin. But I am excited to do it. I think it will change lives!!

On a sadder note, the husband of a former college roommate died last Sunday and it has had me in a funk. Then my kids' babysitter's grandson die on Monday. Then I made plans yesterday to attend the murder trial of an SVU girl who is presumed to have been murdered by her husband. Such is life.

I'm loving life right now! I love my family! I wish my mom would get back into the swing of things after my grandma's passing and join my fun! And I wish my husband's siblings would choose to live in the present so we can all move forward and be a part of each other's lives again. But, that isn't happening right now, so I guess I'll just keep going. Just keep asking myself every day how I can be a better daughter, a better sister. And then do it.