At peace in my heart

I can finally say that I have peace in my heart. It's been a long time, but I finally don't feel wretched anymore. And what a beautiful thing peace is. What a relief it is.

My grandma was never at peace. Always at odds with someone. I don't want that to be me. I'm sad for my grandma that she lived that way. She, too, had a lot of sadness in her life and was just generally a sad person. She used to say that she and my grandpa didn't have a happy marriage and they didn't love each other. But one time she told me a story about having to give grandpa his insulin shots for his diabetes. She said she sometimes would have to sit on him during insulin fits and give him insulin injections. She cried when she told me that and I knew that she loved him. I knew she'd been hurt and felt hurt because of the way they treated each other and the way they chose to live. But I knew she still loved him.

I want everyone to know how much I love them, and not just keep it to myself and realize how much I care after they are long gone. I have failed miserably at this in recent years, but I have renewed my efforts and determination to live a Christ like life and display Christ like love in all I do. This has come more naturally to me in the past month or so, but before that, it really took some determination and focus. As I am my grandmother's granddaughter and am predispositioned to fly off the handle at the first hint of controversy, it has taken a lot of dedication to form myself into a different person. And I have seen changes in myself, my relationships with my friends and most importantly, my home in this past month as I have endeavored to make this change.

I share this because I truly believe that people can change. I have had some negative and bad experiences with people in the past, but I have decided to keep my heart open to them. Because I believe they can change as I have.

I am a better person than I was yesterday. And tomorrow, I hope to be better than I was today.