I had an extremely significant experience today. Probably the most significant spiritual moment I've ever had.

I can finally close a chapter of my life that I have desperately trying to close for years: the matter of my husband's sisters. I have dedicate much of my time to making things right with them and restoring our relationship to what it was before "the incident." Every few days I would literally pray, ponder and think about what I could do that day to remind them that I am still here and I still care. (This is how it came about that I found his sister had started working for a small business in her area and that day I thought my positive action toward her would be to purchase one of her creations and then endorse her skills on LinkedIn. Which leads me to Home Remedy Designs, a rival window treatments company she had created. Childish and hateful is all that was). I'd send emails, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, and whatever just to let them know I was still there and they were important to me. So much of my life has been devoted to these little careful things in an effort to make things as they were before the "incident."

Tonight, I did my usual. . .  what can I do today to quietly and subtly remind them that I care about having a relationship with them? And I immediately received my answer. It is difficult to explain as it wasn't delivered in words. But if it had been words they would have said, "You have done all you can do and you don't need to continue doing this anymore. What you have done is sufficient in my eyes and I don't require anything further." It was such a relief! I can finally be done!

I have often said that I was moving on without my husband's family in my life. But it always felt like it came from a hateful and angry place. But tonight I was finally able to say that I was going to move on with my life without them being a part of it and it felt peaceful and like Heavenly Father thought that would be okay. I think it has been clear and apparent that they are cold and unreceptive to my attempts and I think Heavenly Father recognized the pain I experienced as a result of both their actions and inactions after repeated, innocent attempts and has finally freed me of any further obligation to make things as they were before. Because they won't do their part.

It was so important to me that we have a good relationship for our kids and especially for Garren's mom. But I finally felt at peace tonight thinking about not having to do that anymore. And tonight it didn't feel important to me at all. I felt nothing at all. I feel nothing for them anymore and it is very peaceful.

I have been waiting for this day for years. I didn't realize or expect that this is how the peace would come. I always thought the peace would come from us finally being able to move on from that incident. Or perhaps an apology on their part and perhaps accepting some responsibility for their poor decisions and their rival business. But that clearly isn't going to happen. So it came in the form of just no longer feeling obligated.

I finally can say I'm never going to speak of them again or have them in my life and it feels like it is okay. I am going to go see this sister in a few weeks and it will be the last time I ever see her in this life. I am not afraid anymore of how the visit will go because I feel nothing for her anymore. I do not feel angry toward her, sorry for her, love for her as a sister,. . . I feel nothing. So anything that could go wrong won't affect me. And if it all goes well and is positive then hopefully that will be something we can build off of. But right now there is nothing. I feel nothing. And it's so nice. Finally. But after this sentence, never again will I speak of them because I don't care. They are nothing to me at this point in time. I don't mean that to sounds negative. But they truly mean nothing to me right now. I'm not sure how else to put that to make it sound the way I feel and not make it sound hurtful, because I don't intend for it to be hurtful. I just mean it plain and simply.

Peace cannot be overstated.