Win or loose, we booze!

I have been resting from marathon training this weekend. I have been reading lots of dress patterns trying to decide to make for myself on Easter Sunday and I will be singing a solo in church on that day. I am also making Miriam's Easter dress, as I have every year since she was born. And Joshua was feeling left out, so I got a pattern for a vest and bow tie and will be making out of the same fabric as my dress.

My friend, Renee, will be playing her harp to accompany my solo. We are singing "Beautiful Savior." While practicing, someone at church pointed out to me that they use this song at the beginning of the movie frozen in another language. I have yet to see frozen, so I am unaware. I did youtube it, though. And it is fun. :) The last movie I saw was the Lego movie, which was so fun. I loved it. I think I loved it because I took my kids and they just loved it more than anything! It made it that much better!
I have devoted every minute that I have of my own to marathon training and haven't done Facebook, tv, movies or anything else. So I am a bit behind on popular culture. I only have two hours of my own every day before I start getting into my kids time. Then with the kids, between homework, piano, swim and gymnastics, well. . . to put it simply, I think I've overbooked us for the spring. Definitely not signing them up for ANYTHING this summer. Except piano. That's an ongoing thing. And both kids are taking to it surprisingly well. So I feel obligated to keep it up and not waste that precious time I have with them while they are still interested.

So, I've mostly been resting this weekend, trying to keep my movements minimal. And I can't stand it! I am a very busy person. I always have something going on. I thrive on chaos! In high school, I used to crochet under my desk because I couldn't focus on what the teacher was talking about if my hands weren't occupied at the same time. So rest and I have reacquainted ourselves this weekend and have come to the conclusion that we don't particularly care for each other. Sure, a hot bath with doterra essential oils and salts is nice, but in all honesty, I'd rather be running up a hill! I feel more accomplished after that than after a hot bath. ;)

Part of the reason I don't like sitting still is because my mind is always on hyper drive. It's an OCD thing. So if I don't have something forcing my mind to think about, like running or working with my hands, then my mind goes to not so good places. Today it went to grandma Ida. I confess, I still have her number in my phone and have dialed it once since she passed just to see what would happen. My mom and aunts didn't do a funeral for gram. Her life was very sad. She was never a happy person. She made choices and did things she had to live with for the rest of her life that made her sad. And her life with my grandpa was very sad. He was a diabetic and often had insulin fits. He fought in WWII and never talked to anyone about it. He would wake up at night screaming and not tell anyone why. Just a lot of sadness. I haven't experienced anything traumatic like that, but I do feel like a sad person, in general. Just because, for whatever reason, my mind always goes to sad places when I am not occupied or consumed in something else. Gram was pretty much always sad, but still went on, sort of a thing. I never knew she was sad until I experienced things in my life as an adult that made me sad and then I could recognize it in her. So she went on with her life and lived it the way she wanted, but I can see now the sadness she lived with in her heart and her mind. She always had this attitude about her that she was going to have a good time anyway.

She had renal failure the week my sister got married. She came home from the hospital a few hours into the wedding reception. haha! The reception was at her house. So I got out of my bridesmaid dress and into some shorts and a shirt and sat with her in her living room. We listed to the reception music and "Roll out the barrel" came on. She said, "Hey! That's my song!" She was so weak and could hardly move. Hardly talk. She was on so many drugs. She told me about she and Harold and how they made a "mistake."  She cried. I could tell she was disappointed in herself. But then she said, "Well, win or lose, we booze!" And that was kind of her attitude on life. You make a mistake, feel bad about it for a second, then move on! Learn from it, then move on. Don't let it consume you to the point that you aren't a functional human being. And be happy! She always went on in spite of the pain of her choices or actions of others against her. The next day always came. And she faced it with a smile.

I find such joy and happiness knowing that tomorrow isn't written yet. What can I do tomorrow that will make me better than today? What will I do to teach, learn, inspire, improve? I may not teach, learn, inspire, or improve on anything tomorrow. I could lose. But I won't let that affect the next unwritten day. Win or lose, I'll. . . not booze, but find joy in the fact that the next day is unwritten. And while I may lose, I can try to win the next day. And that makes me excited. Even for a Monday!