Recovering and back at it!

I try to live a healthy lifestyle to avoid getting sick. I don't handle "resting" and sitting still very well. My mind wanders and I become very depressed very quickly. So when I came down with the flu, naturally I was quite afraid of spiraling into a depression. But I was pleasantly surprised! I had all kinds of down time and I was fine!

Last week I had read several scriptures and ensign articles about how you can know if you are headed in the right direction and using the atonement accurately. Forgiveness does not happen in a day. So it is important for those going through the process to recognize the little improvements along the way that let them know they are getting there. Otherwise, it is quite discouraging and feels easier to stay down once you have fallen. I have had several tiny moments this week that have told me I'm headed in the right direction and I am adding this experience with the flu to my list of things.

A long time ago I used to be quite fun and enjoyable to be around. I've grown to be quite grumpy and unhappy in recent years. But these past few weeks I have found myself reconnecting with the wittier part of myself. While I had the flu, I spent a lot of time in bed and on the couch. I found myself crafting jokes and one liners. I couldn't hardly believe it! I haven't done that since well before my kids were born. Don't take that to mean having kids makes you grumpy and unhappy. It's just having kids literally zaps the energy right out of you and kind of go into crisis survival mode Constantly. But lately, as my kids are old enough to make their own sandwiches and poor themselves milk, I have found myself having more fun with them on a different level as I don't feel so in "what's the plan" mode. Having young children, I always felt like I had to have a plan to make everything function properly. But now, I feel like I can lighten up and relax and have fun with my kids as kids and no babies anymore. I'm really enjoying the age they are at.

Anyway, yaddad yadda..  . .  As I am reconnecting with the writer in myself as well I find myself wanting to write more jokes and comedic scenarios. But my novel definitely is not a comedy. I hope to channel that energy somehow because I'm definitely enjoying it! I feel like my old happy self :) It's good! It's a good day! Thank goodness for the flu to give me some down time to reconnect with fun Melissa rather than boring survival mode Melissa.