A new relationship, Always looking forward.

Things are going better than ever. My business is doing very well and I am doing it all by myself for the first tie in two years. I don't like doing it by myself, though. It seems pointless. The point of the business is to share.

I am looking for an assistant. Someone to answer emails and do quotes. But they have to be ever bit as good as Shannon was. Shannon was THEE best ever. I am sorry she was too smart for us and how to be a stock broker for Charles Schwaab or whoever she is with now. I just need someone to answer the every day questions: "How much is Imperial Trellis?" And all those questions that take my time but I don't have time to answer.

I am having so much fun with my children. We have started reading books together again. We started Tom Sawyer, but the language is a bit over their heads and the sentences are some times too complicated from them to understand. So we may switch to the next choice: Alice in Wonderland.

Garren and I are having a great time together too. We went to teh zoo on Saturday and I remembered what it felt like to really enjoy being with him again.

I have truly been blessed these past few months. I think I had to go through the last year to get to where I am at right now. If I had tried to do this any sooner I think it wouldn't have been quite as prfound.

I have been very blessed with light and knowledge of the true meanings of both love and forgiveness. I trully feel great about where I am at. This past week I have been able to just look forward and never backward. I have been very focussed and I know that is a blessing from God.

In doing this, looking only forward, I can see so many more possibilites. Possibilities to be friends again, possibilities to love again. The possibility to be the kind of friends and sisters I've always wanted to be. I have learned now, especially in this past week, that in looking forward it is only then that we can both forgive and forget. If I look backward I have not forgotten. In looking forward there are endless possibilites to what we can become. I am confident that the Lord will continue to bless me to look forward. And I am confident that when my in laws attempt to contact me next I will happily accept the reaching out and respond with great enthusiasm to move forward and build something new, something stronger, something worth having.

My life has been so blessed by this outlook. It has even brought me to tears and made me anxious to rebuild a realtionship with my inlaws. But all things in their time. I don't think I should rush. And I don't know where to start. But then again, I didn't know where to begin this journey and I have come so far. So I know the Lord will provide a way and means by which we can be friends, sisters and strengths to each other. Strengths to support and build each other up, not tear each other down.

It has not been easy by any means to conquer this. Struggling with OCD daily my mind always wants to stew over one tiny insignificant thing. In learning to forgive others I have also learned how to forgive myself. And I feel like I have conquered that portion of my OCD.

The Lord does truly know us individually. He knew that if I had attempted this change last year I would not have been able to do it because of my struggles with my mental health and OCD. He knew that tiny detail about me. In learning to forgive others and forgive myself I have never felt closer to the Lord. I know this can happen for anyone if you just allow yourself to accept that you don't know how to proceed with a certain situation in your life and accept that you cannot fix it all. I know the Lord can help you in whatever your struggle is. He knows your struggles and He even knows that you don't want to go to Him ;) We were created by God and he created all of our little quorks. He knows you are stubborn and don't want to accept Him. He made that quality in you :) You have to overcome that. He will be there.

From now on, always looking forward. :)