The precious life of a baby

I feel really well today. I feel like I can finally be counted on! I am starting to volunteer in my son's classrom at school, I have already done my visiting teaching for the month and I have taken a meal to a friend in need.

I know I have made progress because instead of seeking a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on I was finally able to be that to someone today for the first time in well over a year.

My friend went into preterm labor at 20 weeks in the middle of last week. They couldn't stop her contractions and she had her baby. The baby was a boy and he lived for over an hour. She described the experience to me and I just broke into a million pieces. She said she watched him live his whole life, watched him move, watched him breathe and then watched him die. I am still so heartbroken for her. She did reach out to me though and asked if I could prepare a meal for her family. So that's good that she is reaching out.

I made her homemade white chocolate fudge on a crust of crushed Oreo cookies. Mmmm. And then did a fun kids casserole with chicken, veggies, cream of chicen soup, cheese all topped with tater tots! She said it was a hit and that her kids loved it! I wish my kids ate food, they might like it too!

This friend plays the harp with me in our harp circle. We cancelled our harp circle for this month. I am just so sad for her. So heartbroken. I wish I could do something to help. It's so hard to watch people bare a burden that you know is so difficult and you know they're the only ones that can go through it. I wish I could do something that would be meaningful. I think I am going to check in on her every day this week. She seems pretty down. She is in the "what if" stage asking herself if she had gotten to the hospital a little sooner, rehydrated a little sooner. And those questions are just devistating. Because they have no answer. :*(

Anyway, as far as my progress, I get it now. I get why I had to not want my husband's family in my life for a while. I had to have these few month alone and not worrying about my relationships with anyone else to truly see what I actually wanted those relationships to be. And I am still realizing this and still am having some revelations about what the relationships can and will be, but I had to go through that period of not wanting them at all to make me realize what their part is in my life.

I don't know where to go from here though. I know what I want and what's good and healthy for me and my relationships with my in laws, but I don't know how to proceed just yet. More prayer, pondering and staying in tune with the spirit.

I find that when I am doing things, like serving and being a tool in the Lord's hands as I was for my friend today, that I receive my answers in teh midst of that. My answers to my prayers come as a blessing for my actions in doing what the Lord would do for my friend today if he were here. As I help my friend progress toward peace by offering my prayers, my shoulder and even my cooking I am doing the Lord's work. And I feel closer to Him than ever when in that moment of service. I know now I must stay in that work to be closer to Him and receive my guidance.

Everyone receives their answers differently and in their own time. I receive mine when I am as close to the Lord as I can possibly get. And that is in performing his services for Him here on earth. I will continue to do that. It used to be my life and I will make it my life again. I stopped because it was in a moment of revelation that I decided to hire my husband's sister. And when she did what she did I was so hurt that I couldn't believe that was a result of something that come from inspiration from the Lord. And I completely shut off that part of my life and starved it to death because I was so hurt by the result. But I know now that it wasn't the Lord's fault that happened. She made her own bad choice and bad and hurtful decisions. All I need to do is to keep on going in the Lord's work. For me it is in service that I am closest to the Lord and He can share for me what he wants me to do with this life that my Father has given me.