An honor to bare the illness

I have been struggling more and more with my health. Recently I have been having trouble speaking because of my jaw joints and as of today can hardly eat. I couldn't even open my mouth. I remembered feeding my children as infants when I had to shovel food in their mouths and manipulate the utensil just so to get everything in their mouths.

Miriam's birthday was two days ago and I recalled her difficult pregnancy and how many times I wondered to myself, "How could it get any worse?" I remembered wondering how someone could possibly be in so much pain and still be alive.

My mother in law has recently been given a trial of health and she told me she doesn't want to talk about it and doesn't want to even acknowledge that it is there. And I kind of started to feel sad for her. Not because she is ill though. She said she doesn't want anyone feeling bad or losing sleep over her. And I just got sad for her because when I see her in her situation I think to myself that she must be among his choicest daughters living a truly virtuous and true and loyal life to have been chosen by Heavenly Father to bear such an illness.

God does not give loss, pain or grief. We give those things to ourselves after we are given our trials and challenges. And as we read in 1 Corinthians 10:13 we will not be given anything that we cannot handle. Everything that we are given has a way by which we may endure it. This scripture refers specifically to temptations, but I know for a fact that this principle applies to health as well.

In dealing with my EDS, and during my difficult pregnancy, I learned a lot about why we are given health challenges. People had to come into my home and see my dirty house. People did dishes that had been sitting for days, cleaned toilets that hadn't been touched in weeks. At first I had never felt so emberrassed in all my life! But it humbled me. I realized through that experience that I am human and am subject to all the trials that all human beings are. And in talking with some of the women that helped me I also learned that when we are sick or in need we must reach out and provide opportunities for others to serve. If no one was every sick or in need there would never be opportunities to serve.

It reminds me of why women don't have the Priesthood. If we all had the priesthood there would be no purpose for it. We would all just give ourselves blessings and perform our own ordinances. We wouldn't have to exercise faith, ask for the blessing and then have faith that it will heal (or whatever the blessing may be for). If no one (or everyone) were sick the same thing would happen.

When those who are ill share their struggles and experiences other watch as they experience these trials. And as they get better or get worse those watching can see the hand of God in that person's life. If we try to deal with it alone and struggle inwardly and never seek for help the point of being given the illness would have been futile. If we were meant to go through these things alone then God wouldn't give it to us. There would be no point.

What a choice human being it must be to be given terminal illness. I think what an honor it must be to have been chosen by God to endure such a trial of faith and that he trusts them to be teachers and educators of the process of endurance and the exercising of faith and trust. To have God know that you can go through such a physical trial and have Him know that you will endure to the end is an honor to bear in this earthly life. To know that before we came to earth we knew would we would experience and those who accepted terminal illness with the physical and emotional trials that come with it must have been among His most faithful and trusted followers. What a great blessing to know in your earthly state that you were among those most faithful and trusted. What a choice child of our Heavenly Father.

I can only hope to bear my illness as well and hope to remember each day that it is an honor to have been chosen to bear this and to be a light and an example to others of endurance, faith and appreciation to my Heavenly Father. And knowledge that He knows exactly who I am. And the one on one experiences that my mother in law will experience with her Father in Heaven as she goes throughout her particular health challenge (not necessarily that as described above--terminal, etc) is something I can only hope to experience.

I will try to remember with each pain and trial I experience with my EDS that this is an honor to have been chosen. That Heavenly Father saw it in me that I could endure with faith and be steadfast in my dealings with this only confirms further to me that He knows me by name and as an individual. And what an honor that is. But also, a great responsibility. I have a responsibility in having been given this to exercise faith and ask people to pray and fast and help in my home as I go through my trials.

An honor, but also a responsibility. To find the purpose for having been given this trial and to fulfill that responsibility.