A great calling

As My daughter, Miriam's, third birthday approaches on Tuesday I took some time to record the great trial it was to get that sweet little angel here. Some commented on how strong or amazing I was for enduring that great trial. And my mother commented to them all saying, "Melissa has angels watching over her and has since she was born."

When I was living at home my mother often told me my own birth story, and I never tired of it. It reminded me that I have been held for this time and protected to ensure that I came here. I tried to write the story just now, but I cannot. The events that occurred leading up to my arrival bring overwhelming emotions. Sadness, amazement but most of all a sense of responsibility. I truly was carried into this life by guardian angels and have been throughout the rest of my life until now. And I have not lived up to my responsibilities in having so much focus of preservation on me.

I often wonder why I have been so protected and think about several events in my life when I have been guided by the spirit and subsequently protected my family and even save my mother's life at one point when I was less than ten.

Wondering what my purpose is here and often asking Heavenly Father what He would have me do, I reflected on Jacob 4:7-8; "Nevertheless, the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things. Behold, great and marvelous are the works of the Lord. How unsearchable are the depths of the mysteries of him; and it is impossible that man should find out all his ways. And no man knoweth of his ways save it be revealed unto him; wherefore, brethren, despise not the revelations of God."

In reading this scripture I think of my mother telling my birth story saying, "I don't know what prompted the doctor to check for a heart beat one more time." "I don't know who called the hospital and told them we would be coming." And many other "I don't knows."  We will never know here.

And I wonder, now, how I am supposed to carry out my duties being physically unable to much. But I know now that having these physical weaknesses makes my actions more noticable. When I complete something that other people might also complete and not thinking anything of it, I can finish the task and sigh and say, "I did it!" And those small victories remind me constantly that I am capable of doing great things. If I can do that task, perhaps I can do another.

In wondering what my calling here on earth is and reflecting on those verses in Jacob, I know now that I can't wait for things to be revealed to me. I must act and go on living my life entirely by and through the spirit of the Holy Ghost and I will be guided to serve where the Lord needs me and would have me.

I have found it somewhat, but not entirely, difficult in these past few days since having my experience with the atonement to remain completely focussed, but I am finding more and more strength each day. Having new spiritual experiences reminding me to remain focused and reminding me of the great responsibility I have on this earth. I am not here to live by own will and do what I want. I am here to be a servant and to raise up leaders of the church. To bring together the children of Israel. How He thinks I can do this? I have no clue! But I know if each of my actions and each of my words is done with the spirit that I can accomplish this task.

It must be noted that this is a huge undertaking and change for me. A week and a half ago I was a very different person. But having experienced the atonement in its fullness, well, that I cannot ignore or brush off. Although this is a significant life change for myself and I have had to abandon certain things in my life that had become a part of every, I have been able to disregard those things easily and set them aside, some having done every day, and have not even given it thought. And this because of the atoning sacrifice of the Savior Jesus Christ and my experience in accessing it and using it to the full degree for which it was intended.

I have so far in these ten days and will continue to remain faithful in my duties and responsibilities that I have in being protected to this point.