. . . .

There is a woman in my ward who has become a very good friend to me in all this. She has recently been through a divorce and has had trouble with her in laws in the past. She read my letters and reminded me that I don't need them to be made whole. The atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ will do that for me. They will hae to stand before God one day and account for their dishonesty, their lies and their judgments. I have done my part to correct my wrong doings. But they haven't and will have to be held accountable for that. But it is not my job to punish or hold them accountable. It is my job to forgive and love and God will give them the appropriate punishment for their behavior. But if I don't want to be held accountable for my inability to let it go and letting it interfere with my spirituality and my marriage then I need to do everything in my power to simply love them for who they are and stop trying to figure out a way to tell them their wrong and they've hurt me. Because that's not my job.

It has been hard to think of things in this light just as of recent because one of them said they were going to make something for my daughter and I told my daughter about it. She said, "I'm going ot have it in the mail by the end of the week!" And while I'm sure my daughter doesn't even remember I told her about it, it still disappoints me. I know life happens and stuff comes up, but communicate that to me. Don't just diappoint my kid! I should have known based on her inability to keep her commitments to me in the business that she wouldn't in private matters as well. I just keep trying to see the side of her that I think she really is, but the real her just keeps coming out: just as in the business she's unreliable and can't be counted on.

All this diappointment just makes things hard to accept. I think I am just most disappointed in myself. Because I keep going back thinking she will have changed, but it's always the same thing. Eery time I go back she hurts and disappoints. So what exactly is my job here? I know it isn't my responsibility to punish or make the consequences of  her behavior known to her, but what am I supposed to do? Just keep going back to be hurt again? Or even to have my kids be disappointed? What is my rold here? What am I supposed to do? I can't just pretened they don't exist like I was doing before because they do exist. I just don't know what I am supposed to do. One disappointment right after the other.