There is no sin too great, nor ill doing so great that the Savior cannot make up for.

When I felt I was at my cross roads I chose my family, God and Jesus Christ. I still felt lost not knowing where to go or what to do to proceed. But when I finally felt the true meaning of the atonement in my life and felt that understanding and felt that wholeness I knew exactly what I needed to do.

Every time I am face with a bad thought I know exactly what to do. I don't feel like I am walking around in the dark anymore. I feel like I am making decision and not making them alone. And there is no greater peace in my life than that which the Savior can provide.

Normally my negative thoughts come as a result of anxiety. And I have had a great deal of anxiety lately. I have had another health problem come up for which I have to have surgery. Again. And I can't count on my mom to come out here and help me. I have no idea what I am going to do with my kids. I have been pulling all nighters working to get all the orders out so they don't back up during surgery and recovery. I slept about 3 hours today and am headed into another all nighter. But this time I have felt very peaceful in my mind. I normally focus on something that I can direct my anxiety and bad feelings toward and it is usually my former seamstresses. But today, as I wonder who in the heck will pick up my kids from school, I'm just at peace in my mind. Even though one of his sisters did remind me this evening of her presence and her vast intellect. I just feel calm. And happy. And that even if I have to start walking to the bus stop two hours ahead of time just to get there while recovering from surgery, everything will be okay. It will all work out. Somehow. . .

I've never had to recover from a surgery alone before. But I think I can do this. All will be well. I am glad I don't feel like I am walking into a black hole anymore. It's kind of like detoxing. I feel like I don't have those deadly and dangerous and life threatening toxins in me anymore.

I don't know what this would have done to me if I didn't have the knowledge of the atonement in my life. It is absolutely required of us to forgive everyone for everything. The only person that suffers when we do not forgive is our own selves. And I can testify of that truthfulness. It is paralizing.

On a side note, my kidneys are crying again. Oh life. Life is so. . . daily.