Another Breakthrough

Today several people told me they either stayed at church for the entire meeting this week or last week because of what I said in testimony meeting last week. That reaffirmed my decision that I made to move forward with my life and my family without certain people in it.

Having that affirmation from people in the congregation finally sealed the deal. I am over it. It is done. I officially nothing toward them anymore. No more anger and hatred. No nothing. They are just there. I feel the same toward them as I would a random stranger in the grocery store. Just nothing. And I hope and pray to be able to keep that up.

I think this week will be a normal week. I don't think I will have to replace my thoughts with something else or work reallt hard to not think about certain memories and think about how they never apologized for anything they did. I think this week I will just be able to think normally and feel normal and not have to work so hard to "not feel." I think this week I will just be a normal human being!

One man in my ward came up to me and told me his wife left him three months ago. None of us would ever know because she didn't come to church. He said she was leaving the house one day and siad to him, "Just so you know, I'm not coming back." And he said he has had a hard time listening to "families can be together forever" and "forgive everyone" stuff and would leave church. I couldn't leave church because of my children, but I would definitely find a place to hide! This poor man. I just wish I could give him a little glimpse of the light I have seen. He told me he stayed for all the meetings because of me.

I feel like I am back on the right track to being an influence for good in others lives. Before, I was nothing. Just taking up space at church. Not learning, not participating. Just occassionally playing piano if they needed me. But now I am an active participant and am affecting the lives of others for good.

I will keep this up. I will be an affective tool for strength and rightesousness and encouragement to others.

This poor man I told you about. . . . He and I have similar personalities and when it comes down to it we just aren't vanilla. We aren't going to go with everything and not everyone is going to like us. But God also thinks we are good enough on our own with anyone or anything adding anything to us to make us a little bit better. We have it within ourselves to be great with what we have.

I think I should write him a letter and tell him that.




M.