. . . .

I am making exponential progress each day and I have never felt better. I've never had a clearer mind. Years of trying to make myself someone that they wouldn't call "crazy" and finally realizing I'm not the crazy one! Trying tof find a way to fit into their family, but where selfishness is there is no room for anything else.

I used to feel so home sick everyday. But what I think I was sick for was the genuine love of a family. Since I have decided to be that genuine love for my own immediate family I have not felt homesick. So many changes are coming with my decision to change and I am overwhelmed at the blessings of peace of comfort I am receiving.

A year of shouting, "A plague a both your houses!!!!" (Mercutio, Romeo and Juliet) and I finally just have nothing. No thoughts, no feelings about it. Just a blank clear mind.

Now I can focus on things that matter.

I have made a few goals for next year. I don't want to work as much so I figured out how much  I need to make so that I can know when to stop taking orders each month. I am going to continue to think about my goals and revise and refine them and really carry them out next year.

One I have been thinking about a lot is my visiting teaching. I used to visit teach a homebound family every Sunday. I would go after church and give them the relief society lesson (A mother and daughter with alzheimers and dimentia). I loved going there each week. But in my "funk" I just stopeed going. I ahven't seen them since June. :( I plan to return to that in January and see them regularly.

I am so grateful for my clear head so I can think about other things, things that matter. Things that can add to my life. And with a clear head I think I can finally add to the lives of others.


That's my real life. That's my true feeling. That's real life in Laymon's terms!