Light on my dark days

Today was great. Started off a little rocky as it usually does when I go down to my work room and am overwhelmed with memories and feelings. But it got better.

I felt such peace throughout the day and I know that is a blessing from my choice to be a part of God's plan.

I did have some negative thoughts creep into my mind but I was blessed to be able to be at peace with those memories. I was blessed in that I know I don't have to ever experience those things again. I was always the first to write an email, send a text message, set up a meeting or get together. And in the end, I guess I was just bothering them. But I don't have to do that anymore. No more fruitless efforts. I can now focus my efforts on things that will eventually blossom into something.

I ran again today. I started have doubts about running a marathon. But then I remembered I haven't even trained a week. And I've given myself 10+ months. So I just need to take a chill pill!

Tonight the kids and I made Santa letters for our Christmas family and it was great! We did this last year, but because I was forced to do someone else's work for them I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as I did this year. I loved it! We painted the Santa notes with glitter paint. Then we put them with the presents for the family and took them over tonight. We anonamously dropped them on the door step and ran! It was great. Miriam was a little disappointed as she thought we were going to meet up with Santa Clause to do this. :( Sweet girl.

I am just loving this holiday season now! Now that I have peace in my soul I am finding so much joy in everything. I even just sat with my eyes closed on the couch for a moment today and enjoyed the fact that my mind was at peace and my mind wasn't running a million miles an hour with regret, anger and despair!

Every day is getting better and better! I am well on my way back to becoming a righteous daughter of God. A person who others can look up to and rely on. A person who can be counted on!

There were so many people that leant me their whole hearts when mine was broken. And as mine is still healing I look forward to the day when I can offer my whole heart to others.

I couldn't do this before because I had it in my mind that family was family no matter what and you just stuck it out. But the bishop told me on Sunday that I shouldn't think like that, especially given the circumstances. So I finally took the leap to remove them from my life and I have never felt better. I don't have to fear them anymore. i don't have to fear the lying to my face, the stealing, the not following through. Never again do I have to wonder if they are going to come through with their end. I feel free! I haven't felt this great in a long time.

My bishop is a wonderful man and even in just the one meeting we have had he has helped me so much to move forward and progress.

I am beginning to see the light at the end of this tunnel.