Bad day, but not digression

Today is a bad day, but I Refuse to let it hold me back from my progress.

I finally told my mom about running a marathon. I fully expected her to tell me that I shouldn't because of my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. But she didn't. She fuly supported me and even said she'd run with me! And then my Dad joined too! That's what a family does! I told my husband's sister and she told me that I shouldn't do that.

I know it's going to hurt and I know it's going to suck. But I'd rather hurt at the end of every day knowing I did something than hurt at the end of the day having done nothing. I'm going to hurt no matter what. So I may as well do something. And when I said that to my mom she jumped on board!

Today has been bad because I am overwhelmed again with thoughts and feelings and memories of things said. My dad is very proud to see his children become entrepreneurs. My brother started up his own successful tortoise breeding business called Grand Canyon Tortoises. It's amazing! My Dad has his own successful business going on 30 years now. He is extremely successful and always has lots of work. He's taught me a lot about running a business and I've learned a lot about business just from observing him. And I beleive that is why I have had a successful business. But one of these individuals that has hurt me so badly once told my husband that my Dad must be "stupid" when I told her I was going to have my dad come pick up her supplies. I explained that my dad has his own business and that he doesn't want to get involved he jsut wants the supplies. Then she told my husband that if I learned what I knew about business from my dad then my dad must be "stupid." The thing that hurts me so much about this is that I know her Dad must have been very disappointed to see her say something like that. That in addition to her saying, "I have no intention of paying her back by [my husband] will probably make me." And it is that comment that is the reason my Bishop want sot call her bishop. Because that was the intent of her heart was to not return my funds or supplies and that is dishonesty. I think her dad must have been so disappointed at all of this behavior. And for her to make a comment like that about my dad, a man she has never met, hurts. And she owes me an apology for that among everything else. That was a horrible thing to do and say and I know she has not made her own father proud.

How can someone be so hurtful and so hateful and not even apologize or acknowledge fault? I apologized for everything I did and said even going as far as to list everything I was aware of that I did wrong. These unresolved issues just get to me every once in a while.

My Dad is an amazing man and he is extremely successful in everything he does. I appreciate him and his example. My business took off immediately when I opened it and I owe it all to him and his example and what he taught me. I was confident that my business would go somewhere because of what I learned from my father. And now I have an extremelely successful business.

One of Garren's sisters has been great in helping me with some things for my business. And she always tells me I should be proud of where my business is now having been a grass roots effort and where it is now after just two years. I think of that often because I respect her educated and unbiased opinion. She made the statement after reviewing the business statistics over the course of a year. I think often of her comments and especially her encouragement. She has been very encouraging to me over the course of my business' life. And I apprecaite her so much!

I built a business from nothing. I gave people jobs. I did something that changed lives. And I owe that to everyone who has encouraged my business, but especially my dad, who is so smart and so successful. And I'm glad he wants to run the marathon with me.

As for the marathon, I think my parents both know how much the training will hurt me and how physically difficult it will be. And I think joining me is there way of taking on some pain for me. Helping me to know I am not alone and that if I am going to hurt then they will too. What an amazing family I have been born into! I love my family and how supportive they are and encouraging they are. I just can't even find words to express how much love is within my Butler family. I am so grateful! And I'm grateful that now I can focus on them and give back to them the time and effort they have put into me that my time isn't being put into fruitless efforts with the other family. I hope I can eventually be a good representative of my family. When people hear I am a Butler I want that to mean that they know I am reliable, hard working, successfull, and follow through with everything I do.

It is this reflection on my family and focussing on being a good representative of my family that had me very disappointed in this sister's comment about my Dad. She does not represent at all the values that her father stood for in his life as a Bishop or a successful father and businessman. I have not always been the best representative of the great values of my own family, but I plan to devote my life to practicing what my parents have taught me about being reliable and following throough with what I say I will do and when we move to Arizona and meet people we don't know, but that might know my family, they will know without knowing me personally what kind of person I am and they will know that I am someone that can be counted on to come through in all aspects of life.

Every year we devote Jan 2nd, the day of Garren's father's death, as a service day to carry out what he stood for and represented in his life. And we plan to do that again this year.

I almost made a very stupid decision last week and called it quits on my family. I wanted to leave. I have come so far in one week. I plan to continue to make this progress. My goal is to live up to what it means to be a daughter of God. It is my goal to be as successful with my children as my parents were with theirs in teach compassion, love, morals, confidence, raliability and all other things that make a well rounded human being.

I am focussed. I have a clear mind now. I know what the Lord wants and needs me to do. It makes me sad that I can't achieve that state in this earthly life with my husband's family, but if I am going to fulfill my duties and callings in this life I have to have a clear mind and I can only do that without them in my life. It does make me so sad, though. Especially today, for whatever reason.