ummm. . .

I've continued to make progress in my personal life and see my entire life improve before my eyes. I am very happy about the decision I made. Until My husband said, "So, when are you going to be friends with my family again?" Seriously? When they acknowledge fault on their part and apologize for it. Until then I am done pretending that nothing happened just for the sake of keeping everyone together. And I don't have to. I don't have to pretend that they didn't hurt me in order to forgive them for what they did.

There is also an article in The Wall Street Journal called, "When Not to Forgive" that I am very much looking forward to reading.

Today I do feel hurt just because I have all those feelings again since Garren is hurrying me along to be friends with his family. But they probably don't even want that. I mean, if they did they would have apologized.

As for focussing on my marriage this week, everything has been going quite well. I am at the point right now where I have to consciousy do things like kiss him goodbye. I was to the point where that was not done out of habbit anymore. I have to consciously remind myself to tell him that I love him as that got out of habbit too. But things like this can become habbits again as I mean them sincerely. I think it will happen soon.

My personal goals are helping me to combat the negative thoughts. Thinking about when I will get my next run in, thinking about what I will cook for meals with and for my children, etc all consume my thoughts now instead of being foccussed on how to pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

I started reading The Miracle of Forgiveness, but put it down because this is a busy week with work. All the treatments for Christmas orders have to go out on Saturday. But I am looking forward to picking it up again.

I am recording this journey of healing because I need to keep myself in check and I need t see the progress I've made. As I write the events of the day, what I spent time thinking about and doing, I can consiously be aware of how I am spending my time and what I need to do differently tomorrow. Also, I see a huge difference between this blog post and the hurt and pain of my first one that I made when I began this journey of healing.

I hope I can inspire someone who is struggling with having been wronged by family that there is a way for you to forgive them without having to pretend that nothing happend. Family does not have to be a part of your life if they are toxic to it and your nuclear family and relationships. you can heal. There is a way.